I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
