Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How naked do you want me to be?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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