I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I AM VODKA MAN
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
