i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
