my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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