I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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