My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
