I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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