the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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