I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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