I could make wine with my vomit
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
