I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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