we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
