Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
