The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
