Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
