I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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