sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
