I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
