there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
