I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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