Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
birth control should be required to get into college
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
