OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
