So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
