I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We have started to decorate penises.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
