I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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