He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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