Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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