East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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