it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
