someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
God, I missed his penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
