Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
