I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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