i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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