My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Pants are for mortals
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
