Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
