tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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