every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
