she looked like the before picture.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
