Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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