Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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