The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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