I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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