She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
