have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
