if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
