Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
