if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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