By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
