I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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