I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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